Judging a BIG deal…
Why such a BIG deal?
Because we do it all day long, from the moment we wake-up.
We don’t recognize it as judgments, but they are. We judge the clothes we are going to put on, we start noticing our thoughts with judgments. We judge the kind of day we MIGHT have, it goes on and on.
But the scariest judgments we have are the judgments other people might place on us. But the truth is, we are doing it to ourselves as well as others.
Everybody is judging–who is minding the mind?
Despite our good intentions, NOT to judge–we do.
Ways we judge ourselves and others.
We don’t always ask for the things we want because we don’t believe we deserve them or will get them, and now we have judged ourselves harshly.
We get sucked into gossiping, and straight away we are in judgy mode.
We worry about shit that hasn’t happened yet, or we fear that it will, projection and judgy.
We don’t follow through with plans we set up, and then we judge ourselves for not being good enough because we can’t even get our lives right.
The judgments go on and on all-day-long. Not a great habit to build self-confidence for sure.
We have just given ourselves over to the judge and jury–and that would be ourselves.
The root cause… Our minds, yep– the stories we tell ourselves that are unfounded and untrue, and keeps us small, the self that shrinks into submission of guilt, shame, fear, and other people’s judgments, as well as our own.
We have lost our childlike nature—fearlessness, that hero was short-lived. As soon as we started to branch out, the well-meaning caregivers stopped that, with their judgments, beliefs and stories that we bought into unknowingly.
Out of fear–we have gone from fearlessness to fear of being judged.
As we advanced on in age and were able to recognize the duality of life, we started judging, comparing without realizing that the biggest fear, the biggest threat was other human beings; socialization.
Everybody wants to be accepted. We want it so much that we forget that the only one that needs to accept us is us.
But we are adaptogens, and pretty soon, we play the game, buy into the stories we are told, and suffer. We had made ourselves small before we even knew that we were doing it. Until we start to have meltdowns, then we notice that.
We get caught up in the habits, beliefs, and behaviors that we have been told are acceptable, or that we copied thinking it was cool, or it would allow us the acceptance we so crave.
FEAR, GUILT, AND SHAME set in. We shrink, adapt to particular defense mechanisms for our safety and protection. Never once asking ourselves, is this who I am?
When you can answer the question, is this who I am? You are getting a glimpse of yourself, you are noticing the nudge that something feels off. Other people’s expectations aren’t jiving as much. Things are starting to unravel a bit, the truth of who you are is whispering, and you are not sure what that means, but you notice.
Our awareness is our best defense against judging ourselves. It means we have a concept that there is a BIGGER self that knows the truth of who you are and who you are meant to be.
How do we bridge the gaps?
Noticing what we are dong. We do notice, most of us realize it as it is in motion, but as gravity will have it, it flows out of us, and we might regret, feel shame, fear, and guilty for the action. That is the first step towards healing.
It might feel a bit uncomfortable–perfect we are on to something.
We can rewrite the stories that we have told ourselves. We can stop ourselves as quickly as it came to the mind. The rewrite might take some time after all this book has been writing itself since you noticed you left your fearless self eons ago.
The truth is that you can be anything you want — and as long as you are kind, authentic, well-intentioned, and willing to admit when you’re wrong and try again, you will be accepted by your peers.
Change the judgy story. We have to embody the truth; that we are loved and you are love, we are peace, and we are kind. We choose to not be those things, whether we believe it or not. Letting go of our judgments of ourselves and others brings about a sense of well-being that can’t be explained but felt.
Change the way we see the world and everything changes in our world.
After all, we began to play small when we sought that validation from other people.
Self-forgiveness is the only way to begin healing ourselves and others because the reality is–NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.
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