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How many times have you heard, or have said, “I’ll always be here for you” and then they or you left? That is life, the essence of the lesson, the gift, the grace and the hurt. What are we here for in this game of life? A question I often ponder and mull over with a friend to death, and the only answer I can come up with that makes any sense to me is knowing myself, loving myself so that my connections and love serve others in a way that shows them how worthy, beautiful and valuable they are too.
If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either. The buzz is, ‘love unconditionally’, it sounds nice, but unfortunately, we have conditions for everything we do, we expect certain outcomes before we give our seal of approval or our love away. Therefore, we seek a lot of our self-worthiness and love in another, and when that doesn’t happen, we feel disappointment and despair when they abandon us. When in actuality, it was self-abandonment that is going on.
While it takes varying amounts of time, everyone finds their breaking point, that moment when enough becomes enough. We all have a keen sense of what, and when that is; someone cancels too many time, disregards your life as valuable as theirs, the list goes on and on of selfish acts and the games people unconscious or consciously play.
It is when we wake up after surviving that kind of emotional abandonment that we are so much stronger and surer of who we are and not so much of who they are or what they did. People show up to present the physical, emotional and mental turmoil to show us nothing is permanent, and that this is the perfect opportunity to love and know yourself more. True abiding love comes from within; it is not something you earn or win. Love is YOU, your friend, your one true love, that won’t abandon you.
All that abandonment is the perfect humbling experience we need to live in gratitude for the opportunity of self-discovery.
Only you will heal your heartbreak. When you let go of the shame and blame game of what someone did or did not do for you, and hone in on where you left yourself off to be open and vulnerable to another’s approval of you. When you finally believe that you are a worthy person, you will recover with a heightened sense of what it means to love yourself enough to understand why people jump ship.
Abandonment is a worthy lesson on so many levels, hurts like hell, but an excellent opportunity to love yourself and love another again without conditions. Only then will you understand man overboard.
“We love because it is the only true adventure.” ~Nikki Giovanni
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