Damn, it’s over. Now what?

Life is funny that way; we get all caught up in the moments of life without any thought to the over part until it is over. 

Whether you’re the breaker or the breakee, the end of a relationship is always challenging. However, getting dumped is undoubtedly the less desirable of the two roles, so let’s focus on that for the remainder of this little heartbreak chat.

Getting dumped fucking sucks. 

I’ve been there, your friends have been there, and almost every human on Earth over 30 has been there. 

In other words, your heartbreak is nothing special. 

The lack of originality is a good thing, as harsh as that sounds. Because although it might seem like you’re currently alone, suffering from something that nobody else can understand — let alone relate to — you’re mistaken. Billions of people have gone through exactly what you’re going through. And guess what? They got through it. The majority of them will probably tell you they’re a stronger person, not despite it, but rather because of it.

There is only one way to get through what you’re currently going through: allow yourself to go through it, to experience all the emotional chatter you can muster up to make yourself feel better, even though it won’t.

If you’re hurting, you’re on the path to healing. Choose YOU!

In life and love, you must feel whatever you want to heal. Ignoring your pain, pretending you aren’t heartbroken, or distracting yourself with somebody else isn’t help you process the breakup. You might be able to fool yourself (and others) for a moment, but an unhealed past is a setup for a future crash. 

Friends, family, and random dudes writing books can help you feel better, but nobody else can do the work that will make you better. You have to do that shit yourself; it all starts with sitting with yourself, peeling away the layers that brought you to that moment, to uncover that you are love and found the right situation and person to help you see that truth. 

Stew in your emotions as if you’re soaking in a hot tub of heartbreak until you acclimate to “what the fuck just happened.” Once you’ve done this, you’re ready to process.

Acknowledge the relationship — the good, the bad, and the ugly (emotionally or physically). 

Permit yourself to feel gratitude for what the relationship meant to you and what the relationship can, or already did, teach you. 

What did you learn? 

How can you apply this personal growth to a subsequent relationship? 

What did you discover about your likes, dislikes, and non-negotiables? 

What did you like most about yourself in the connection?

 Where did you potentially lose yourself? 

There’s a lot to analyze and even more to internalize. 

This will take time, but you will be better than satisfactory with practical use, just like the billions of other humans who have been heartbroken before you. Lastly, if you’re worried you don’t have the strength to move on, think of just how much strength you are using to hold on — then redirect that energy and enjoy your life. And your next relationship.

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