The Myth of “The One”

We spend our entire lives searching for “The One.” We chase the spark of attraction, the comfort of companionship, and the high of romantic bliss. But what if the very act of searching for love is what keeps us from experiencing it?

Based on the profound insights of Jeff Foster, it’s time to redefine what we mean when we say “love.”

Love is Not a Feeling

We often confuse love with its passing shadows: “passing shadows” are the temporary emotional states that we often mistake for the enduring essence of love. When we confuse the two, we become dependent on external circumstances or specific people to “give” us these feelings, leading to a constant fear of losing them.

• Attraction: It’s powerful, but it’s a wave that eventually recedes.
• Longing: It’s a transitory state of wanting, not a state of being.
• Bliss: The “high” of a new relationship is just an excited nervous system. It cannot last, and that is okay.

If you base your life on these shifting states, you will always be afraid of losing them. Even the most sincere promises can be broken because feelings are, by nature, impermanent.

The Endless Energy Field

Love isn’t an object you can give or take away. It is a Energy field.

Imagine a vast ground that holds everything—your hope and your loss, your excitement and your boredom, your crushing disappointments and your moments of joy. This field doesn’t fade. It doesn’t diminish when a relationship ends or change when you are alone.

Whether we are marrying or divorcing, laughing or grieving, the field of love endures. It is the “presence” that allows all of life to happen.

The Great Illusion

The biggest lie we’ve been told is that someone else can “give” us love, which completes our journey here on earth.

When we feel love in the presence of another, we aren’t receiving a gift from them. Instead, their presence has simply helped us remember our own. We recognize eternity in the midst of the everyday and mistakenly credit the other person for it.

When that person leaves, we feel a “loss of love.” But love never came from the outside. We simply forgot the field and started looking for the light elsewhere, unaware that we are the light.

The Search Ends Where It Began

The joy of loving another is infinitely greater than the fear of clinging to them. Clinging comes from the illusion that you are empty and need someone else to fill you.

But you are already the “One.” You are love itself.

The search doesn’t end in a perfect marriage or a soulmate—it ends exactly where it began: in your own presence. When you realize that love is what you are, everything changes. Love becomes yours forever, even when the person standing in front of you is gone.